Clarification
I seem to have an issue where i said “that fucking passion, that intense desire i had to SIT next to her was shit on”……upon reading it again i still believe in what i wrote, but i want to explain. That was my first lost love, something i hope more than anything i can never provide Katie with. I would hate myself forever. I know most of my friends have gone through this. There really is never an explaination when someone you wanted to totally devote yourself looks at you and says “you know what, you’re not good enough for me”….Meanwhile in your brain you want to say “fuck you, you fart in your sleep, asshole!”…..but your mouth cannot provide a sensible, tangible description of the torment and dissapointment they have contrived.
This person i was dying for was my counter-point. I was creative/funny and she reigned me in. No future at all. But it worked for my writing at that point, and that was healthy for my depression and angst that followed. Culmanating in me crying onto my grill at work.
That was the beginning of the beginning. It formed me to who I am today. And the fact that I FOUND my wife, a cute, little, shy girl; in my friend’s apartment makes me proud of what the pain meant to me. My wife is a million times better than that girl!
